The unexpected joys of caregiving

It’s not always easy being middle aged adults and suddenly finding ourselves in the midst of a family crisis, having to care for a parent or another loved one who can no longer care for himself. All things considered, I’ve been lucky; very lucky as (so far) this is not one of the problems I have to deal with – yet. But I know of people my own age and slightly older who do, and they all tell me the same thing: as time consuming, resource draining and heart wrenching as it may be, the truth of the matter is that the rewards of taking care of a loved one far outweigh the challenges.

A growing body of research backs up this sentiment. Psychologist Michael J. Poulin,  from the University of Buffalo in New York states that, “When we provide help to someone we care about, we feel more positive emotions, like compassion, satisfaction and a vicarious happiness at being able to help.”  Furthermore, a five-year longitudinal study published in the American Journal of Public Health found that helping those who can no longer help themselves seems to buffer the physical effects of stress. It’s true that caring for a family member can be cost prohibitive and incredibly demanding on the caregiver, but it’s also much more than that. Many caregivers develop a greater appreciation for life, become more confident, more compassionate and less-anxious; they also strengthen their relationships with others. This is especially true in the case of those caregivers who live in multi-generational homes, a trend that is on the rise.

One caregiver from California (aka “earthquake land”) whose elderly father suffers from multi age-related illnesses, states the following: “Living with an elderly parent is a bit like living in quake country – you can get preoccupied fretting over that next fall, the next heart attack, the next cold that could turn into pneumonia…or you can focus on golden moments; after all, bad things don’t just happen when you’re 93 years old.” I like this view on life. Time goes by too fast, things can change rather quickly at a moment’s notice, which is why we need to appreciate (and be thankful) for the good things we have, for the special people who care enough about us to share their lives with us and why we should spend less time fretting about crap that we have no control over and may never happen. Living in the moment is very important for inner peace; worrying about the future or regretting the past, not so much.