On self-trust

“On the journey to self-trust, trying to prove something never works. Either you know, believe and trust that you can do a thing and you do it, or you don't believe you can do it, force yourself to work on getting it done and then sabotage it. There was no way I could have held on to my first home, because buying it had not been a self-supportive, self-honoring or self-loving act. It was the fruit of a poisonous tree. It was an act of defiance and rebellion to prove that the messages I had received about myself as a child weren't true.

We must acknowledge that we feel angry, sad and injured, even if we do not understand why. Redeeming this inner child and reestablishing trust within ourselves also means learning how to love, care for and nourish ourselves in the way we longed for as children.

It is important to trust what your life is trying to communicate. If you cannot name what you feel, you will spend a great deal of time chasing things that will not truly fulfill your needs. This is how self-trust breaks down. You get stuck in thinking about what you should feel rather than acknowledging what you actually do feel. You are left with needs that do not go away and that you are unable to fulfill. This leads you to believe that you are not safe in the world, that you make bad choices, that you cannot have what you desire and that your best efforts will never be good enough” – Iyanla Vanzant

 

Major “aha moment”!

Whatever we achieve/obtain in life should be because we believe we are capable (and worthy) of those achievements. Achievements should never be reached and goals should never be pursued solely to prove other people wrong. If we don’t trust our own capabilities and believe that we deserve all the good bestowed upon us, we will always feel like a hamster in the proverbial wheel of success-and-failure/happiness-and-disappointment.

I have found that this applies equally to career choices, material success, and interpersonal relationships – particularly the romantic kind. 

Never do something just to prove someone wrong. Do it because you firmly trust your capabilities and, more importantly, believe are worthy of whatever riches you may encounter during this journey called life.

And although we can’t edit the past, it is never too late to change our ways in order to make better choices from here on out. As long as we’re breathing, it’s never too late.